


Even Gnomes Can Lie

by kamja



Series: Fairy tale rewrites [2]
Category: Arashi (Band), Fairy Tales and Related Fandoms
Genre: Comedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 05:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamja/pseuds/kamja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comedy rewrite of Rapunzel. Fyi Nino is the financial wizard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Gnomes Can Lie

Once upon a time, a childless couple lived next to a financial wizard named Nino. He had the most beautiful vegetable garden but his entire property was walled and no one could get in by normal means. However, one day the wife happened to be using a pogo stick and she glimpsed the wonderful vegetables in the garden.

“Oh, if only I could eat some of those artichokes. They look delicious!” she ran back to her husband posthaste. “Husband! I will die if I can’t eat those artichokes in the garden! Please, get some for me!”

“But Wife, if Nino catches us, he will bill us for a million dollars! I am but a poor farmer. What if I just grew you some?”

“Noooo,” his wife shook her head with feeling. “It has to be those. That’s because Nino’s magic gnome servant, Chinen, takes care of the vegetables with special fertilizers imported from Sweden. You can never grow the same!”

“Oh, ok. I will get them for you. If I do, will you let me stick it there?”

“What? That’s disgusting! But I’ll agree because I want those artichokes.”

And so, the husband climbed the wall with an extra long ladder from the shed. He picked some artichokes, but as expected, Nino saw him from the window. Nino likes to survey his lands from the comfort of his study.

“You stole my stuff!” Nino shouted, running out from his house. The husband cowered in fear.

“Please, don’t bill me one million dollars! I’d have to mortgage the entire kingdom!”

“Don’t be stupid. You don’t own the kingdom, so it can’t be your collateral!” then Nino thought for a minute. “Ok, then you must give me your firstborn child.”

“Ok,” agreed the husband, because they lived in a time and place where children were sold all the time. It could be worse. As far as he knew, Nino was not a brothel owner.

And so, a child came to pass after the wife gleefully steamed the artichokes and ate them with lemon butter and the husband gleefully reminded his wife of her promise. Children usually resulted from these types of happenings, so that was not unusual.

The child was given to Nino, who named her Becky. He taught her how to file taxes and calculate compound interest. Then one day, the gnome Chinen tricked Becky in the woods. He was jealous because he wanted to learn compound interest too, but he had to water plants.

Chinen told Becky that there was treasure at the bottom of a dry well. Since Nino had raised Becky to be greedy, she jumped into the well and surprisingly did not shatter her legs. However, she then discovered that Chinen had lied.

“You lied!” Becky called up. “Gnomes cannot lie!”

Chinen laughed his gnome laugh. “Who told you that stupid thing? Gnomes can lie just like humans. And I will go home and tell Nino that you ran away with last week’s lotto winner and he will believe me.”

And so, Chinen went home and did just that. However, Nino still did not teach him compound interest.

About 3 hours later, a noble youth named Aiba was riding in the forest. Suddenly, he heard the most beautiful melody in the air.

“What is that song?” he said, trying to follow it. “It is haunting and mysterious, just like a new pot of curry. Ah, you can never tell what’s in it. Those aromas!”

By and by, Aiba’s horse came upon the well. His horse was very intelligent and knew how to follow sounds just like a hunting dog.

“Hello~” Aiba called down the well and waited for an answer.

Becky had been singing her favorite song for a while when someone called “Hello~”

“Who’s there?” she called up. She couldn’t see anything but the patch of sky above her.

“This is Aiba, prince of the land.”

“Oh, I’ve seen your picture in the woodcuts,” Becky was excited because she thought the prince was handsome. But then she remembered something Nino said. Some people were pretenders. “But how do I know you’re really the prince?”

“Well, if I pull you up, then you can see for yourself,” then Aiba paused and remembered something his father said. “But how do I know you’re not really ugly?”

“I’m not ugly!” Becky retorted. What a rude prince. “I have eyes like sunflowers!”

“Oh!” now Aiba remembered something else. It was said by prophecy that he would meet a girl with eyes like sunflowers. “I will pull you up, no worries!”

Becky waited, and after some time, she felt a rope fall on her head.

“Grab on! I will pull you up!” said the voice from above.

Becky tied the rope around her waist and Aiba pulled her up with his strong arms.

And that was how Aiba and Becky met for the first time. That was also the moment when Becky realized the rope was actually Aiba’s beard.

“Why....is your beard so long?” she asked. They did not include that part in the woodcuts.

“Because I like it. It accentuates my face and keeps me warm.”

“Oh,” then Becky took a pair of scissors out of her pocket and cut the beard.

What Aiba forgot to remember was that in the prophecy, he was to meet a girl with sunflower eyes...who would cut his beard.

“I’m going home now,” Becky said. She was gonna kick Chinen in the head.

“No, you must marry me now! You touched the royal body, which no woman may touch! It is fouled!” Aiba rubbed his stubble. “Besides, I’m hideous!”

“Can you do compound interest?”

“No, but I’ll have someone explain it to me!”

And so, Aiba and Becky got married, but not before Becky went home to kick Chinen in the head. Nino was happy, because Aiba was much richer than the guy who won the lotto. And all was well in the land.


End file.
